I had an epiphany the other day. I was getting ready to head off to Boot-Camp and needed to eat breakfast. As I decided what I would eat, I thought about what I needed to fuel my body for the intense workout I was about to do. I did not think, "what sounds good?" or "what am I in the mood for?" I've got this! I finally have a healthy relationship with food and it happened without me working at it. I did not have to do anything special. I just had to give it time. I changed my eating, started working out with some amazing women and threw away my scale. That's it. Pretty simple. I did not start out that way though. It has been an incredibly difficult emotional journey for me.
I shared in my first post about how I got to where I am as far as my weight goes. I have known all along where I needed to be mentally and emotionally and I have tried a million different things to get myself there. When my husband was diagnosed with Diabetes, I felt so much guilt as the one who prepares all of our meals and does the grocery shopping. I decided I would change so he could be healthy. I told myself I needed to change to be a better example for my children. In August, 2010, I went back to Boot-Camp and shortly after that, my son announced his engagement. I was now going to push myself so that I would not be an embarrassment to myself or my family when we went to the wedding. This is a short list of the things I went through mentally to motivate myself.
So, what was my epiphany? This is not about them. I love my family dearly and would do anything for them. I would give my life for them. But my health and fitness is not about Mike. He is responsible for his own health and what he puts in his body. I am not a bad example to my children just because I am not at my ideal weight. I do all the things a mom is supposed to do for her children and so much more. I live a life that glorifies God and that is a great example to Ben, Katherine and Ricky. While it may have been more comfortable to ride in the sardine can they call an airplane had I been at my goal weight, I did not have to be thin for my son to want me at his wedding. We went and we had a blast in spite of my weight.
So, why am I losing weight? Why am I working toward becoming a personal trainer so I can help others with this journey? Because I want to. That is it. I like being active and not carrying an extra person in the form of fat around with me makes that a whole lot easier. I love fashion and how I feel in clothes when they fit right. I like how eating a healthy diet free from counting calories and measuring my food gives me an amazing amount of energy I have never known before. Not even when I was a size 8 and in my 20's!! For once in my life, I realized it is okay to do something for me. I am worth it. I was worth Jesus coming to Earth and dieing on the cross. I have value as a person. I am worth all the time and energy it takes to do this.
Why are you doing the things you are doing in your life?
